Who is a child without a past or family? No one—just a shadow given a body.
“Did you always feel like that—like a ghost?” Mikhail asked, stirring his coffee in my fancy kitchen.
I looked at him—my only friend who knew everything. The man who helped me find her. The woman who gave birth to me, then abandoned me like I never mattered.
My first cry didn’t move her. All my adoptive parents had was a note pinned to my thin blanket: “Forgive me.” One word—the only thing she ever gave me.
Lyudmila Petrovna and Gennady Sergeevich, an older couple with no children, found me one October morning.
A baby in a blanket, crying on their doorstep.
They didn’t send me to an orphanage. But they never made me feel like theirs either.
“You live in our house, Alexandra,” Lyudmila reminded me every year, “but don’t forget—we’re strangers. We’re just doing the right thing.”
Their apartment felt like a cage. I slept in the hallway on a fold-out bed and ate cold leftovers alone. My clothes were always too big, bought from flea markets. “You’ll grow into them,” my adoptive mother said, but by then they were already falling apart.
At school, I was the outsider — the “orphan,” the “nobody.” I didn’t cry. I kept it inside and turned it into anger and determination.
At thirteen, I started working odd jobs. I hid the money, but Lyudmila Petrovna found it.
“Stealing, huh? Just like your real mother,” she spat.
“It’s mine. I earned it,” I said.
She threw the crumpled bills on the table. “Then start paying for food and rent.”
By seventeen, I had saved enough to leave for university. I packed a small bag and a photo of me as a newborn — my only connection to the past.
As I stepped out the door, she said, “She never loved you, Sasha. Neither did we. At least we were honest.”
In college, I shared a tiny room with three others. Instant noodles kept me alive. Studying nonstop kept my scholarship.
At night, I worked at a 24-hour store. My classmates laughed at my old clothes. I didn’t care. All I heard was the voice in my head:
“I’ll find her. I’ll show her what she threw away.”
Nothing cuts deeper than being unwanted. The pain stays, like glass under your skin.
I glanced at Mikhail and twisted the gold chain around my neck—the only luxury I’d allowed myself. He knew my story. He found my mother. He helped me plan.
“You know this won’t heal you,” Mikhail said.
“I’m not looking for healing,” I replied. “I’m looking for closure.”
Life has a way of surprising you. It did in my third year.
Our marketing professor assigned us a project: build a strategy for an organic cosmetics brand.
I didn’t sleep for three nights. I poured everything—anger, hurt, hope—into that project.
When I finally stood up and presented, the room fell silent.
A week later, my professor rushed in. “Sasha, investors from Skolkovo saw your work. They want to meet you.”
They didn’t offer money—just a small share in a startup. I signed with shaking hands. I had nothing to lose.
A year later, the startup exploded. My small share turned into enough money to buy a place of my own—and more.
One smart investment led to another. By 23, I owned a big apartment in the city. I moved in with just a backpack and an old photo. No baggage. Just a new life.
At a conference, I met Mikhail. “I thought success would make me happy,” I told him. “It didn’t. It just made me feel alone.”
“You’re carrying a ghost,” he said—and he was right.
I told him everything. Mikhail wasn’t just a friend; he was a private investigator. He offered to help me find her. I said yes.
Two years of dead ends. Then—finally—her name: Irina Sokolova.
47. Divorced. Broke. No other children. That part hurt the most.
“She’s looking for cleaning jobs,” Mikhail said.
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“I’m sure,” I said.
We posted an ad. She came, nervous and hunched, to my office.
“Do you have experience?” Mikhail asked.
“Yes,” she said quietly. “Hotels, offices. I’m thorough.”
“The employer is strict. Everything must be spotless.”
“I understand. I really need this job,” she whispered.
She sat there, small and tired. It made my skin crawl.
“You’re hired on trial,” Mikhail said.
After she left, I found her passport on the desk. Her photo stared back at me—older, grayer. But it was her.
“Still want to go through with it?” Mikhail asked.
“More than ever,” I said.
A week later, she started working for me. The woman who gave me life but chose to leave… now scrubbing my floors.
The first time we met, I barely looked at her.nShe bowed stiffly, afraid to lose the job. I felt nothing. Just cold curiosity.
For two months, she cleaned my home — silent, careful, leaving behind the scent of lemons. I watched her. Watched her study my photos, my face.
Sometimes, she stared too long. Did she recognize something? Did her body remember Mikhail said I was dragging it out. Maybe I was. But I couldn’t stop.
One day, she lingered at my bookshelf, touching my graduation photo with trembling fingers. I stepped into the room.
“Does it look familiar?” I asked.
She jumped, stammering an apology, blaming the dust for her tears.
“Sit,” I said.
She sat, hands clenching her knees.
“There’s something about you…” she whispered. “You remind me of someone.”
I leaned in.
“Twenty-five years ago, Irina Mikhailovna, you left a baby girl at a door. Her name was Alexandra. Look at me.”
She gasped, hand over her mouth. I placed the baby photo in front of her. Tears poured down her face.
“You don’t understand,” she cried. “I was young. Alone. No money, no help. I thought someone else could love you better.”
I laughed bitterly. “They didn’t.”
She knelt, reaching out but not touching me.
“I thought about you every day,” she sobbed. “I tried to find you… but they said no baby had been found. I thought you were gone.”
“You gave up,” I said, voice flat.
She bowed her head, broken. “Please… forgive me. Or at least… let me stay. Even if just as your cleaner. Please.
I looked at her—broken, full of regret, worn down by life and her choices.
And suddenly, I felt light. Like a weight I’d carried forever had lifted.
“No,” I said quietly. “I don’t want revenge. But I don’t need to forgive you either. You made your choice back then. I’m making mine now. I’m letting go—of you and of the pain.”
I walked to the window. The city outside was loud and busy—full of life and new chances.
“Mikhail will walk you out and pay you for today. Please don’t come back.”
After she left, I sat down with my phone. I blocked her number.
Then I looked at the photo of me as a baby—small, alone, with a long journey ahead.
“You did it,” I whispered. “You made it all by yourself.”
A few days later, I called her.
I asked her to meet again. To try again.
I let go of the pain—and opened the door to understanding. Maybe even forgiveness.